Memento

– Everything is as I left.

– Yes, everything is the same here.

– Have I been away for long?

– 16 earth years long. Before that, you were not always in radar either, we got worried about you. We thought we have lost you too.

– The earth is too dense, it is thick. Even if you keep reminding yourself, it gets into you. It takes so long to clear the mud out. If you don’t know how to swallow and digest it, it swallows you. I thought I wouldn’t be able to get back, but here I am.

– We knew you could do it, Princess.

– I thought you guys were not hearing me. I thought I got lost. Then the sense of loneliness got so thick and I got even denser. Pieces did not fit together many times. There are feelings and emotions trapping you. Disappointment, sense of doubt, the fear, fear that you are insane. They bury you into something really sticky. I thought I was too close several times but fell back. I think this is when I started to record everything and each time I had one more to add to my log book.

– That’s why we called you determinator, it was fun to watch you but also we lost hope at times. We thought the task was impossible.

– That’s funny, but I think that’s it, determination. Now it seems so easy. I first remembered everything, I knew and remembered all about here. But then I chose to forget because I couldn’t keep myself at that, you lose the frequency, you got heavier. When you try to get back to that state, it is almost like getting lost in a forest. The fog is so thick that you don’t just lose the path, the fog gets into your memory, your being. You forget what you are there for. You even forget that there is something you need to remember. But somedays I had that feeling that I was on top of a mountain, the fog was all around me, in my brain, in all my being and I looked at the fog so desperately but with so much determination, I said, I know there is something I was supposed to remember and it is ok that I don’t remember what it is. I said, I will still remember that I have something to remember and I will keep going, no more questions, no more doubts. The key was holding onto that sense and wait until fog gives up on you.

– Like completing a puzzle, going through a maze.

– Yes, exactly, you complete a puzzle not because you remember that there is somewhere you need to get to; you remember it just because you have this vague memory of longing, loneliness, belonging, a task, a purpose. You don’t know what it is, you start recognising it as a sense. You need to trust and you just follow the senses, the energy, you start recognising the senses. Sense of being close, sense of getting denser, sense of connection, sense of losing connection. However thick the fog gets you do not stop believing in that. 

– We were with you all the time. We could hear you, but you could not hear us.

– I wonder if I could have done it in a shorter earth time Commander.

– Yes, you could. But that’s ok. This is good enough.

– Enough to make a case out of it? So we don’t need to try it again?

– Let’s roll the ball and see what we got.

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