Angel Angel!

“Nowhere to be seen

Angel Angel!”

Her heart was big and open

There was no bigger space in our neighbourhood

Adults offered her a cup of tea

A cat swirled around a quiet door

The cat also knew

She did not seem to fit the living room

Her wings were on the veranda

We played with the feathers wondering if she felt ticklish inside

She seemed sad behind the curtains instead, she seemed lost

The wings seemed even sadder

It is the first time we shared a feeling of sorrow in a game

It is the first time we felt painted with guilt and didn’t mind

“Angel Angel!”

Her wings flapped to the sky

Someone came to look for her

None of us waved hands

The sky was blood red

Wings trembled

We watched the last moments of the wings

their last breath

We wondered if she could forget it all

She did, but not all

A sense of hollow stayed

between her shoulder blades

She always had that sense of blank mind which asks

“What was I saying?” even in a quiet night

A sense of forgetting a beautiful dream when you wake up

As if something that was never there was missing

A sense of treason to someone one doesn’t know who

Discovery that the most dishonest is the one who had the most integrity

The sense of belonging that one carries is nothing but a hypocrisy

A sense of denial

Regret of living a lie:

“I wish I did not play it right”

She didn’t even say that

Like a bottle carrying a message, any message

In the river

She floated among us

Never knowing what to say

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