When are we complete? When will we be totally clean of our baggage, traumas, conflicts? If we see ourselves less and less complete, at every step of the way, is our presence for something else than reaching our complete version? Is becoming a whole again a never-ending dream? Is the grass greener in the Oasis of our true self?
With all these questions and their variations are in mind and feeling even asking the right question is not possible after trying a few times, I wonder what does ‘the completion’ mean? Old Yaqui Shaman, Don Juan, the wise man of an ancient Shaman lineage, depicted in Carlos Castaneda books, makes a clear distinction between “perfect” and “impeccable”. This gives me a relief. So it is not “being perfect” what I am looking for but the impeccability of a warrior. What if my impeccability is not complete? What if my mind, heart and soul, me as an aligned multi-body creature, does not settle in the tranquility of inner-satisfaction? If my desire to know is unsettling?
Do I just give up or continue to dream the possibility of it?
Infinity tells me that the completion is coming to peace with who you are. Then I want to know who I am, but I hear the whisper “you cannot know yourself”. What! I scream, “You must be joking?”
Like a breeze, she, the universe, pulsating like a vagina in its orgasmic pleasure called life, tells me that one cannot sit down to think of himself, one can only witness to his flow, if he removes the barriers to his seeing.
So this is what it is, one can only see himself in the flow, like a breeze which inherently experiences its existence through the flow. Breeze does not think about the meaning or definition of its existence, it never decides for its direction, it has no decision or conclusion about its life.
Be like a breeze, she says, and I get up and look at my understanding of completion. It is complete, as it is, I am actually where I was supposed to be all this time. Everything is in its perfect condition and form. I see I have mistaken the completion with completeness.
I look back and my gaze finishes the unfinished task on this journey: To know myself! It is done. Finally, it is complete.
The universe intends to know itself and pulsates. We cannot know ourselves, but we can be in the knowing, as we flow. We are inherently gifted with the desire of knowing ourselves, children of the universe who came through its pulsating, contracting and releasing vagina, as the fruits of its pleasure called life. We share its intention to know itself and the wisdom it has: We are not supposed to know ourselves but experience the knowing. Flow is the completion.
I feel an inner-peace, I find the tranquility.