THE FATE BEAST

 

It was the Fate you wanted to escape from. You changed your direction suddenly walking along a street, to play a trick on that fate beast following you in every step you take. You didn’t like straightforward topics, mundane routines, planned futures. It seemed to be the only way out of its sight. You appreciated every chaos and you created one if there is any. You wondered how much you were able to deviate your life from its pre-written course and you worked hard on it. When you missed that flight you couldn’t help enjoying the miserable airport nights, you appreciated last minute changes in your life. You wondered what it meant for your life, to make friends there, friends that you wous865938856758920229_p334_i1_w952ld not bump into again for million years. You changed your mind about going to that party house and instead took the bus just stopped at the bus stop, without reading the destination sign on it. You wanted to go somewhere else instead of somewhere. You never felt having to answer where you were heading off. You liked the idea of being somewhere else instead, doing something else, being with someone else…

You always felt the breath of the fate beast on your neck and designed numerous deviation plans to escape it. You fought with it ever since you know yourself. You went to the bitter end, you changed cities, countries, jobs, looks, identities, beliefs, ideas, values until you almost forgot where your story started.

You didn’t mind contradicting with yourself, you enjoyed living out of context and becoming nonsensical… The change gave you the sense of liberty, chaos was greater than the God.

Now and here you question whether the fate beast has lost your footsteps or is it still behind you? You look up to see if there are any strings tied to your puppet arms and legs. What a paranoia to look back every minute to measure the deviation from the ordinary… You carried its heavy eyes on your back like a hunchback so long that you don’t know if it is still there. Its breath gave you shivers all along, you look back at every sigh you hear.

You fear that you might still be trapped after years of deviation and feeling a sense of liberation… You fear that after endless tries you may only have gotten to a bigger cage instead of a free-land…

Sadness and nostalgia of who you were before, sit on your shoulder now, you miss the cozy and warm being of yours… The ghost of possibilities gets you. What would happen if you walked on that long street instead of changing your direction suddenly… What if you did not miss the plane and did not make airport friends who didn’t make any difference in your life anyway. What would happen if you woke up in a different city the next day as planned, and you walked on a long boulevard as everyone, peacefully surrendering to what it has to offer? What if you didn’t take that bus to the unknown but turned up at the party house as planned… What would be your life like, if you didn’t deviate it from its course, on purpose? Was deviation an illusion? You feel the breath of the beast again, you are exhausted from this game.

You suddenly feel like crying on the shoulders of the fate beast shattered with a sense of nostalgia. You appreciate the weird notion that your enemy is your oldest friend on this planet. It is the one who knows all the identities you had, had been with you in all the cities you went to, stepped into the back streets with you to get loose together. You somehow want to thank the fate beast, for being right behind you at each step you took.

You want to ask the beast if you belong anywhere, you long for a home you had, but you don’t know which one, if any… It strikes you as odd that how powerfully you left behind everything that you can’t even remember what you left. A heavy longing covers you like a thick blanket, you can’t figure out towards what.

You turn around to hug the beast. It flows down from your arms and runs down the cliffs towards a riverbed. Such a big revelation to see how fluid it is. You see it was nothing but a formless creature after all. Or did it change with you? Did it enjoy spiriting up with you in a state of continuous movement!

Seeing your fate flowing down the cliffs, you want to run behind and catch it. It reveals to you that you are not to run but flow, like water… You understand deviation brought nothing but more and more fluidity. You see your journey was a continuous flow, down the hills, through the riverbeds, without breaking into pieces but splashing, pouring, blending and leaving without a trace… You jump over the cliffs to merge with it.

You hear the beast’s breath on your neck, you hear its whisper: “You would only find your destiny passing through hundreds of curtains. Your destiny is living in fluidity. I was behind you to whisper this to you and push you through the cliffs, to make you jump one day. You know what your destiny is now, flow!”

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